Thursday, January 26, 2017

Always so tired.....

Tuesday night I couldn't sleep. I tend to be a bit of a night owl... As in, I like to go to bed between 2 am and 4 am. I get an incredible amount of stuff done during those early morning hours. Sometimes I clean house but most of the time I sew or make greeting cards. 

Recently, though, I've been super lazy and I have been going to bed about midnight. I'm not all that tired, really, but I don't feel like doing anything, so I go to bed. It always takes me a long time to fall asleep, but Tuesday night was really bad. As in, I didn't actually fall asleep until about 3:30. Or at least, that's when I put the phone down for the final time. 

So what did I do all night while I laid in bed? Played Disney Emoji Blitz and researched ADHD in Adults. I had fun playing the game and learned a lot more about Adult ADHD. And just like when I was first diagnosed as having Adult ADHD back at the turn of the century, as I learned about ADHD I got goosebumps on my arms and a really strange sensation that someone had been following me around and writing everything about me down on paper.

For years and years I have been told that I am bi-polar. And the docs would give me books about bi-polar illness to read and I'd think, "Well, yeah, that's sort of like me. But not quite." But I figured I must be bi-polar, 'cuz over and over again I was told I was, and I kind of fit the description.

And then Dr. Mary Sandall, when I was in session with her one time, did a face palm and said, "I can't believe I didn't see this sooner! You have ADHD!!!"

Whatever that meant. 

Back in 2002 I knew about ADHD, but not much about it. So she gave me a book to read. Driven to Distraction by Hallowell and Ratey. It was creepy. But it was also exciting! For the first time ever, I had found something that fit me, perfectly. I remember reading it and I had chills. I leapt out of my chair and ran to Tim, "This is it! Whoever wrote this book has been following me around and writing about my life! It's exactly what I am, what I do!" 

I started taking Adderall, but I kept needing more and more, until I was at the legal limit. I don't remember what happened at that time, or why I started seeing a different psychologist, but I did. And I was back to the bi-polar diagnosis and lots of medication which put me into a deep, dark depression. I endured seven years of that before I finally said, "ENOUGH" and insisted on a drug holiday. That was ten (I think) years ago and I have been drug free ever since. 

But I've been so tired these past few years. I am getting more and more tired. I am not depressed, but I have a very hard time getting through a day without napping, unless, I've noticed, I have something fun or different going on. Then I am ok. But I couldn't make it through a day at my job (as a sales person) without a nap. I can't make it through a day at home without at least one nap. 

A sleep study a little over a year ago yielded what I already knew: I am a very restless sleeper, tossing and turning all night long. I am a night owl and have great difficulty getting up in the morning. And it takes me a very long, unusually long, time to fall asleep.

All, as it turns out and as I learned Tuesday night (or Wednesday morning, more accurately) ADHD traits. And the naps during the day? I am bored. My brain needs more stimulation, more dopamine, and without it I fall asleep. 


I've made an appointment with my doctor to follow up on this. 

1 comment:

  1. I hope you can find the answers from your doctor to help you with this.