I have been struggling with weight gain. I find myself eating all the time. My spiritual director and I have been discussing this, because I feel there is a direct correlation to my spiritual life - this inability to moderate my eating affects my relationship with God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I mean, after all, the three pillars of spirituality are fasting, almsgiving and prayer. As St. Augustine said, "Fasting and Almsgiving are the wings of Prayer."
Padre suggested I work on figuring out how I am feeling when I am randomly eating. Yikes! I don't know! So I prayed for knowledge and understanding, so that I might know how I was feeling when I was chowing down mindlessly. And one day last week it came to me: I was extremely anxious.
About what? I didn't know. But I was definitely feeling anxious.
I started doing some internet searching on anxiety. And I came upon some information regarding anxiety and procrastination. Hmmmm. I am a world-class procrastinator. I wonder if there could be a tie-in?
Read on.... because if you have ADHD, you inevitably have problems with procrastination, and invariably those issues are anxiety driven.
So what makes me anxious which then causes me to procrastinate? Any of the items listed below:
- The task is BIG
- It's BORING
- I FORGOT
- I don't know where to START
- I don't feel motivated until the LAST MINUTE
- I'm TIRED
I tend to deal with the anxiety by finding other things to do. In the olden days, I played a lot of solitaire - the real, physical kind, with an actual deck of cards. Now I surf the Internet or mess around on Facebook or play Disney Emoji Blitz. But the two things I am most likely to do when I am anxious are 1. EAT and 2. SLEEP.
I eat to "get me through the task." Five minutes of "work" = something to eat. Frequently I nibble the whole time I am working on the task.
I sleep to avoid the task completely.
Neither one are healthy when done in excess and I've pretty much perfected doing both in excess.
Sigh. So, how to conquer this anxiety and get the tasks done? Well, that I don't exactly have an answer for, but perhaps as time goes on I will figure some things out - I'll keep you posted here on the blog. Or at least, I think I will. But I very well might just procrastinate about posting, so don't hold your breath.
I do have some ideas for ways to deal with it - and I've posted some links at the end of this reflection for you to tap into, if you, too, deal with procrastination, anxiety and ADHD.
This morning I'm am starting out by having a cup of tea. I've eaten a healthy breakfast - and now I want to eat some more. Candy, bread, nuts, fruit, cheese, veggies. Whatever. But I don't need more calories - so I'm having a cup of tea to tide me over.
Check out these sites:
And let me just say: Writing this blog today is a means of procrastination. I really need to be sorting through piles of junk scattered throughout the house. I need to take down the Christmas tree. I need to make some thank you notes to send to customers. I have several picture framing orders to complete. And the closer I get to finishing this blog post, the more tired I am becoming. Time for a nap, eh? I'd really like to take a nap. But it's only 10:20 AM and I've only been up a couple of hours. I don't think a nap is what I need. So, I'm gonna try a few of the suggestions from the sites that I've read. I'm going to break the HUGE tasks into smaller ones, I am going to put on some upbeat music to help me get moving and I am going to START. I guess starting is the key. JUST DO IT, as Nike would say....
Wish me luck.