Thursday, February 9, 2017

Asking the Question "Why"

When I am not doing so well, when I am run down and super tired and not motivated to getting anything done, I always beat myself up about it and wonder, Why, Why, WHY can't I get my act together.

When I am doing well, have tons of energy and motivation and don't feel as though I need an afternoon nap or two or three, I wonder, Why, Why, WHY can't I be like this all the time?

Ok, honestly, not ALL the time, but at least most of the time, consistently.

Instead I struggle with fatigue, lack of energy and no motivation 80% of the time and high energy, good motivation 20% of the time.

So, am I bi-polar? Is it ADHD? Maybe a combination of the two? I don't know, I really don't.

This week has been going remarkably well. I woke up Monday morning energized and motivated. I was able to get a great deal of stuff done around the house. I also spent quiet time in prayer and I spent and hour and a half with my spiritual director.  I went for a brisk 30 minute walk. I was not manic - just, like, hypomanic. Not over the top. I didn't spend any money, I didn't take any risks, I didn't have an affair - wasn't even tempted. 😆 I didn't do any of the traditional manic things.

But I did have a wonderful day. I was tired in the evening, after supper, so I napped for about an hour.

I got 7-1/2 hours of sleep that night.

Tuesday was a repeat of Monday. Another hypo-manic day! My organizer came in the afternoon and we worked diligently for three hours purging, sorting and organizing. I got another 30 minute walk in and ran some errands up town. I had quiet time for prayer and for Mass. I took a 30 minute nap in the evening as I was exhausted. I went to bed around 12:30 and slept well. Woke without the aid of an alarm at 7:40.

And Wednesday was also awesome. Another busy and productive day, including exercise. No nap at all. I went to bed at 10:30, woke at 3:14 and was WIDE AWAKE. Fell back asleep around 4:00 and slept until 8:00.

And then there's today, Thursday. I attended Mass this morning, went for a fast paced 30 minute walk, then sat in a doctor's appointment with my husband for an hour and 15 minutes. Boorrrrinnnngggg! Had to cancel the engagement with Lori (the organizer!) for this afternoon as we only thought the appointment would take 15 minutes.... so I was late getting home. Picked up a few groceries, ate (a good) lunch and now.... now I can't get going.

I know that if I just do it, if I just start, I might be able to get motivated. But I can't even get started.

What are the ADHD tricks for getting going?

  • Plan something fun for afterwards
  • Set a timer for 15 minutes and stick with it for that long
  • That's all I remember.
  • Oh! Get up and get moving! 
  • Stimulate the brain (but how?)
Right now I sorely want a nap. I also desire carbs - specifically cereal. I don't need either and I know that both are detrimental to my situation. A nap sounds like something fun to do afterwards. But I know that I should NOT nap. What else sounds fun? Maybe I'll.... sew! Or make a card! (Those both sound nice but not exactly fun.)

So. I'll set a timer for 15 minutes and I will tackle one kitchen cupboard. We'll see where that leads....

1 comment:

  1. Well, just think about all the positive days you had and don't beat yourself up if one is a downer. I think you can get your mojo back again soon. I will be praying you do.